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"I don't think you can analyze love. it's the greatest mystery of all. no one knows why it happens, or doesn't. love is a chance combination of elements: any one thing might be enough to keep it from happening... mood, gesture, glance, or remark. And if we could define love, predict it, it would probably lose it's power..."
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For some reason, my dreams have remarkable way of affecting me. Last night was no exception. I had these two dreams about two people that were previously in my life, and I woke up feeling completely alone. Not in the sense of friends and family, God knows i have an utterly amazing support system, but in the sense of not having someone to love and cherish, in that special, connected sense. I go back to some advice that I once got: Just because you are lacking a partner does not mean you are half of a whole. You are a whole person with or without someone. But when I have these dreams, it's hard NOT feeling like I lack a part of me that, most often I'm content not having, but sometimes I long for.
Current Mood:
contemplative contemplative
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MSNBC's wrapup of all the debate contestants:

Russert discusses Dem debate
Clinton says she’s a Republican target
Obama stresses diplomacy, credibility
Edwards said it is time to stand up to the president
Richardson condemns U.S. ‘saber-rattling’
Biden: Giuliani “under qualified” to be president
Dodd says we should learn from ‘02
Kucinich says he saw U.F.O.
Clinton urges diplomacy with Iran

Poor Kucinich, I love him, he's just crazy. :(

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A lounge that would specialize and serve in wines, chocolates. cheeses and exotic coffees
- and for more 'meal'ish type faire it would have fondue... baguette, fresh fruit - dipped with cheese and chocolate sauces and paired with wines... we would also have exotic coffees that we'd offer...we would have a couple of chair masseuses that travel around

location: maybe post alley, north downtown/southernmost bell town, east-side (eh), capitol hill, ???

niche: 40+ female

design: dark colors - perhaps a dark cherry wood bar, colors:highlighted with jewel orange, deep ruby colors , dark browns, dark reds with jewel toned oranges and blues (yes, pretty) - low to the ground tables with plush pillows and chase reclining chairs

name: ????

Art Noveau Bar?

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T-minus 2 hours and 20 minutes.... eeek. Oh, and I love flower deliveries. just FYI
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surgery friday - blah. :o(
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So, I've been down with Kidney problems - an issue that I've had since I was 12. I just had a CT scan and it showed 6 small stones that *should* pass. It brought up some interesting emotions. My last surgery was 04 - the middle of my relationship with John. I realized that if I had a surgery, I wouldn't have that significant other to take care of me 24/7. I have friends that would gladly do it, but it's different. It left me feeling very lonely. I hate not being content being single - I don't like it. I like not having to rely on someone to make me feel complete, I like having someone supplement my life. But all the same, I cant fight this feeling of emptiness and loneliness. I'm sure i'll overcome it - the combination of being sick, not being around people, not going to work much all plays a factor into it... Then I found out Aaron has a new BF and I hate that.

Anyway, there is an update on me :o)

Current Mood:
tired tired
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If I wasn't done before, I am now, with people that don't see the hypocrisy in expecting people to treat them one way when they treat others (me) the EXACT opposite.
Current Mood:
frustrated frustrated
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Describe Your...

Background on your cell phone:
it's little scout dozing off with her head still up. then i found out my phone can alter pictures to make them black and white, so did it.

Wallet:
a black wallet that zips up -so things dont fall out

Dream car :
I dunno. little red sports car with good gas milage and doesnt hurt the environment

Toothbrush :
ummm its like turqoise green

Jewelery worn daily :
a necklace with an anchor and my great great grandmothers wedding band from portugal.

Eyes :
I have a pair. Hazel/Brown

Room :
comfortable

House color:
my apartment building is blue with blue awnings.

Love life :
Eh, whatever...

Cologne/Perfume :
La Homme - deliciousness

Cd in stereo :
CD? this is not 1998 son.

Piercings :
Nope

...What are you...

Wearing :
actually, nothing. just outta the shower.

Wanting:
to not be sick

Listening to:
Star Trek - yay.

....Do You...

Like tattoos:
They can be HELLA sexy

Like candles :
Sure

Like seafood :
No no NONONO

Believe in miracles:
hmmm...

Believe in love :
completely

Believe in soul mates :
yes, I think a person can have many - best friends and lovers.

Remember your dreams :
yeah, usually. last night i had crazy dream that I was a drag queen.

Consider yourself a study freak
HA, no.

Burn easily in the sun :
No thank you. Portuguese

Speak another language other than English :
Some Spanish

Really know all the words to your national anthem?
Oh nooooo...

Know how to pump your own gas:
I dont drive. But when I did, yes.

...The What's && Who's...

What month were you born in:
May

What's bothering you right now:
Kidneys

What does your headline mean :
It's just what came to mind one day.

What's your favorite thing to do in the place where you live :
Have friends over, be alone, watch star trek, eat...

What's something you wish you could understand better:
mean people

What book would you recommend to anyone:
The Book of Mormon. haha, I kid, I kid.

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer:
probably porn or music

What was the last thing you bought:
Um, I went to office depot (i love it there) and got chips, juice, candy, and pen refills

What do you think about most:
hmmm, I dunno... I divide my time pretty evenly.

What was your last text message:
"That's a half day? What time do you start"

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital:
visited? as in - they were already there and I came? I dont remember...

Who were the last people you went out to dinner with:
Dwayne

What do you miss:
my phone's email function working.

Who do you hate right now:
No one.

Who do you spend the most time with:
Scout.

Who is the first person on your top friends:
Annie. Awww...

...Last...


Thing you ate :
Banana Cake

Show you watched an entire episode of:
uhhh... golden girls?

Movie you watched at home:
Friday Night Lights

Incoming call on your cell phone:
My Doc...

Time you swam in a pool:
I donno

...Have You Ever...

Won a trophy:
YES! I love Trophies

Been in a beauty pageant:
LMAO - do I look like Delta Burke?

Written poetry:
Mmmhmm...

Made a prank phone call:
Not lately...

...Random...

Something you are afraid of :
failure

Are you shy around a crush:
sometimes

Got any plans for the weekend:
mayyyybe

A secret about you:
I was a republican for the first 18 years of my life

Where did Waldo go:
Waldo Geraldo Faldo?

Where do you live:
Capitol HIll, Seattle. 1718 Melrose

How many people have you kissed:
Lots and lots and lots and lots.

Are you a good cock:
um, I'm a whole person. This is like calling a woman a cunt. I resent this question. FUCK.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be:
No?

Story behind your myspace song:
aww, I love good music.
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