By Request...

Very wise words...

2008-07-22T01:06:29Z

"I don't think you can analyze love. it's the greatest mystery of all. no one knows why it happens, or doesn't. love is a chance combination of elements: any one thing might be enough to keep it from happening... mood, gesture, glance, or remark. And if we could define love, predict it, it would probably lose it's power..."

Dream-state

2007-12-16T20:32:58Z

For some reason, my dreams have remarkable way of affecting me. Last night was no exception. I had these two dreams about two people that were previously in my life, and I woke up feeling completely alone. Not in the sense of friends and family, God knows i have an utterly amazing support system, but in the sense of not having someone to love and cherish, in that special, connected sense. I go back to some advice that I once got: Just because you are lacking a partner does not mean you are half of a whole. You are a whole person with or without someone. But when I have these dreams, it's hard NOT feeling like I lack a part of me that, most often I'm content not having, but sometimes I long for.

LOL!

2007-10-31T16:54:27Z

MSNBC's wrapup of all the debate contestants:

Russert discusses Dem debate
Clinton says she’s a Republican target
Obama stresses diplomacy, credibility
Edwards said it is time to stand up to the president
Richardson condemns U.S. ‘saber-rattling’
Biden: Giuliani “under qualified” to be president
Dodd says we should learn from ‘02
Kucinich says he saw U.F.O.
Clinton urges diplomacy with Iran

Poor Kucinich, I love him, he's just crazy. :(

MEL AND DUSTIN BRAINSTORM

2007-09-02T09:23:52Z

A lounge that would specialize and serve in wines, chocolates. cheeses and exotic coffees
- and for more 'meal'ish type faire it would have fondue... baguette, fresh fruit - dipped with cheese and chocolate sauces and paired with wines... we would also have exotic coffees that we'd offer...we would have a couple of chair masseuses that travel around

location: maybe post alley, north downtown/southernmost bell town, east-side (eh), capitol hill, ???

niche: 40+ female

design: dark colors - perhaps a dark cherry wood bar, colors:highlighted with jewel orange, deep ruby colors , dark browns, dark reds with jewel toned oranges and blues (yes, pretty) - low to the ground tables with plush pillows and chase reclining chairs

name: ????

Art Noveau Bar?

My baby

2007-08-21T03:34:32Z

dustins84 @ 2007-08-17T05:59:00

2007-08-17T13:00:12Z

T-minus 2 hours and 20 minutes.... eeek. Oh, and I love flower deliveries. just FYI

dustins84 @ 2007-08-15T22:11:00

2007-08-16T05:11:24Z

surgery friday - blah. :o(

dustins84 @ 2007-08-07T19:32:00

2007-08-08T02:37:46Z

So, I've been down with Kidney problems - an issue that I've had since I was 12. I just had a CT scan and it showed 6 small stones that *should* pass. It brought up some interesting emotions. My last surgery was 04 - the middle of my relationship with John. I realized that if I had a surgery, I wouldn't have that significant other to take care of me 24/7. I have friends that would gladly do it, but it's different. It left me feeling very lonely. I hate not being content being single - I don't like it. I like not having to rely on someone to make me feel complete, I like having someone supplement my life. But all the same, I cant fight this feeling of emptiness and loneliness. I'm sure i'll overcome it - the combination of being sick, not being around people, not going to work much all plays a factor into it... Then I found out Aaron has a new BF and I hate that.

Anyway, there is an update on me :o)

dustins84 @ 2007-08-03T17:46:00

2007-08-04T00:50:12Z

If I wasn't done before, I am now, with people that don't see the hypocrisy in expecting people to treat them one way when they treat others (me) the EXACT opposite.

Here is a survey.

2007-07-31T22:15:14Z

Describe Your...

Background on your cell phone:
it's little scout dozing off with her head still up. then i found out my phone can alter pictures to make them black and white, so did it.

Wallet:
a black wallet that zips up -so things dont fall out

Dream car :
I dunno. little red sports car with good gas milage and doesnt hurt the environment

Toothbrush :
ummm its like turqoise green

Jewelery worn daily :
a necklace with an anchor and my great great grandmothers wedding band from portugal.

Eyes :
I have a pair. Hazel/Brown

Room :
comfortable

House color:
my apartment building is blue with blue awnings.

Love life :
Eh, whatever...

Cologne/Perfume :
La Homme - deliciousness

Cd in stereo :
CD? this is not 1998 son.

Piercings :
Nope

...What are you...

Wearing :
actually, nothing. just outta the shower.

Wanting:
to not be sick

Listening to:
Star Trek - yay.

....Do You...

Like tattoos:
They can be HELLA sexy

Like candles :
Sure

Like seafood :
No no NONONO

Believe in miracles:
hmmm...

Believe in love :
completely

Believe in soul mates :
yes, I think a person can have many - best friends and lovers.

Remember your dreams :
yeah, usually. last night i had crazy dream that I was a drag queen.

Consider yourself a study freak
HA, no.

Burn easily in the sun :
No thank you. Portuguese

Speak another language other than English :
Some Spanish

Really know all the words to your national anthem?
Oh nooooo...

Know how to pump your own gas:
I dont drive. But when I did, yes.

...The What's && Who's...

What month were you born in:
May

What's bothering you right now:
Kidneys

What does your headline mean :
It's just what came to mind one day.

What's your favorite thing to do in the place where you live :
Have friends over, be alone, watch star trek, eat...

What's something you wish you could understand better:
mean people

What book would you recommend to anyone:
The Book of Mormon. haha, I kid, I kid.

What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer:
probably porn or music

What was the last thing you bought:
Um, I went to office depot (i love it there) and got chips, juice, candy, and pen refills

What do you think about most:
hmmm, I dunno... I divide my time pretty evenly.

What was your last text message:
"That's a half day? What time do you start"

Who was the last person you visited in the hospital:
visited? as in - they were already there and I came? I dont remember...

Who were the last people you went out to dinner with:
Dwayne

What do you miss:
my phone's email function working.

Who do you hate right now:
No one.

Who do you spend the most time with:
Scout.

Who is the first person on your top friends:
Annie. Awww...

...Last...

Thing you ate :
Banana Cake

Show you watched an entire episode of:
uhhh... golden girls?

Movie you watched at home:
Friday Night Lights

Incoming call on your cell phone:
My Doc...

Time you swam in a pool:
I donno

...Have You Ever...

Won a trophy:
YES! I love Trophies

Been in a beauty pageant:
LMAO - do I look like Delta Burke?

Written poetry:
Mmmhmm...

Made a prank phone call:
Not lately...

...Random...

Something you are afraid of :
failure

Are you shy around a crush:
sometimes

Got any plans for the weekend:
mayyyybe

A secret about you:
I was a republican for the first 18 years of my life

Where did Waldo go:
Waldo Geraldo Faldo?

Where do you live:
Capitol HIll, Seattle. 1718 Melrose

How many people have you kissed:
Lots and lots and lots and lots.

Are you a good cock:
um, I'm a whole person. This is like calling a woman a cunt. I resent this question. FUCK.

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be:
No?

Story behind your myspace song:
aww, I love good music.

dustins84 @ 2007-07-20T17:13:00

2007-07-21T00:19:05Z

in general, I'm not a super "needy" friend. However, when I'm truly not feeling well I'm a "typical" male and can be overly needy. I've found this last week that I'm surrounded by a few people who are very one sided in their friendship with me. I've never really realized it because I dont typically ask for or require their help... Aside from feeling bad - I'm left very empty with the realization that I've invested in people that really have no interest in being there for me.

sad.

Edit: I am also very fortunate to have people who do love and are supportive every time - no matter the situation. I am also very aware of how fortunate I am to have these people.

Fuckkkkk

2007-07-19T13:26:56Z

As if it needed to get any harder to find clothes that fit me... MSNBC reports 75% of Americans will be overweight by 2015. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19845784/

frustration.

2007-07-18T23:04:18Z

why must white chocolate chip cookies ALWAYS have macadamia nuts? What can't they just be like regular chocolate chip cookies... unaccompanied by anything else. grrrr

Hot day survey

2007-07-11T19:34:43Z

1. Talked to an a**hole today?
hmmm, no. not yet.

2. Do you like anyone?
This is a hard question to answer...

4. Can you do a cartwheel?
that looks like a cartwheel? questionable...

5. Do you skate goofy or regular?
Skate? I am not coordinated...

6. Do you regret something you did yesterday?
hmmm... no.

8. Have you ever been tubing?
Yes. Little guys don't do well tubing...it tends to turn into flying.

9. Do you own a guitar?
Nope.

10. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Yes, during my car accident when I was little.

11. Do you have a piggy bank shaped like a pig?
I DO! I love it. I painted it at a ceramic place... it's super cute.

13. Shower facing the shower head or with your back to it?
well, generally for the full effect I turn around and around in the shower. hahaha. But forward as a default.

14. Do you have anything in your pockets right now?
yes. I carry everything in my pockets.

17. How many windows are open on your computer?
ummm, 6 - email, tessitura (ticketing program for work), livejournal, gmail, this, and MSNBC

19. What are the colors of your walls?
I have very odd colored walls.. they are a khaki with blue specs (in my office)

20. Are you wearing socks?
yessir

21. How many hours did you sleep last night?
I dunno. I probably went to sleep at around 1:30. woke up for a bit at 530 and then got up for good at... 915

22. Did you ever get the chicken pox?
Nope *crosses fingers*

23. Have you been outside today?
Yessir

26. What is the last movie you saw in theater?
I dont remember... I really dont.

27. Did you like it?
I'm sure it was enchanting

30. Siblings:
Nope. We have a cocker spaniel we call my sister??? Oh - I technically have a half sister who lives in Texas.

31. Pets:
Scout (cat) and my parents have Andi (cocker)

ARE YOU:

32. A Daydreamer:
I do daydream from time to time.

33. Sarcastic:
indeed.

34. Shy:
hmm, not on whole.

35.Talkative:
yes - but I sometimes grow tired of talking.

LAST PERSON THAT:

36. Last person you fell asleep with?
Scout :o)

37. Last person you hung out with?
I went to coffee w/ Davis last night.

38. That you talked on the phone with?:
A concierge

IN THE PAST WEEK HAVE YOU:

39. Gotten sick:
not so much

40. Sung:
I dont think so?

41. Felt stupid:
a tad, about certain situations.

43.Gotten your hair cut:
No...

44. Watched cartoons:
I HATE cartoons... I have no idea why... they are just hard for me to watch. I do kinda like the family guy - and sorta the simpsons. Star Trek is a totally different story <3

46. Hung out with friends:
Yep Yep

48: Gotten in a fight:
And the other person knew we were fighting? no...

49: Listened to music:
Always

50: Smiled:
Always

51. Cried?
This week... no I dont believe so

52. Smoked?
Nooooo, Booooo too smoking.

53. did something you regret?
nah.

54. Laughed so hard your stomache hurt?
Not yet...

55. Taken pics with your friends?
hahaha, no. not yet.

MORE ABOUT YOU

1. How many Pics do you have in you bedroom?
ummm, 4 i think.

2. Favorite song?
uhmm, faithfully by journey - everywhere by fleetwood mac.

3. what color are you finger/toe nails?
ummm. natural colored.

4.Whats the most random thing in the room you are in right now?
My coworker has a large statue of a half man, half lobster thing that he made. It's incredibly odd.

5. what are you watching on t.v.?
I'm at work right now

THINGS IN THE PAST

1. Most regreted thing?
bah

2. Most missed memory?
Not being stressed :o)

3. the one guy/girl that you wanted but couldnt have?
hahaha... there are a few from high school...

4. how many guys have you kissed?
Oh Jesus... Kissing is a form of greeting for me when I get to be friends w/ people.

5. who knows the most about you and your past?
My mom.

6. what do you wish would have happened different?
I dont think there is anything... I'm at a good spot.

7. who have you fought with the most?
my mom. haha

8. favorite saying?
Whether you say you can, or you say you can't, you're right. - Henry Ford.

dustins84 @ 2007-07-09T12:11:00

2007-07-09T19:23:56Z

so I've been really down lately... and it's hard to explain exactly why. A lot of it has to do with Aaron, but more what Aaron symbolized and how the situation played out - than he, himself. This whole thing with Aaron was the first time I've 'tried' a relationship since John. It's the first time I've really let someone in... gave them that honest chance. Then there was the way he went about things ... we all have natural walls we build up and slowly, with time, those walls get dismantled as trust grows. Aaron had an uncanny way of forcing those walls down - and I felt very safe and secure. Very much NOT how I should have felt - but hindsight is always 20/20. My mom keeps reiterating "But Dustin, YOU broke up with HIM. It was your choice to terminate the relationship..." and while that's true - it offers very little consolation. It plays on my insecurity that I can't trust myself - I couldn't judge that John was cheating, that Eric was the other participant, and even when it's right under my nose, I'm still clueless. Likewise, I can't trust myself to find and fall for someone who is able to have a relationship. What's funny is even when I was with Aaron I knew and articulated it was probably a long shot - but for some reason I proceeded without further reservation.

Anyway, I know this will pass and things will get better... until then I'm being patient with myself and hopefully others will too.

Maybe next time...

2007-07-01T02:46:38Z

So I had to end things with Aaron... i very much like him and care for him, there was just an inability on his part to follow through with things and that left me feeling disrespected and uncared for. Really my only expectations are that people will do what they say they will do, let me know if it changes - and treat me with consideration... He couldnt provide that... at least not at this point in his life. His priorities are very different from mine... he and his friends stay up until 4 or 5 am and get up at 10 to go to work fast food... I just can't do that. I am an 11pm bedtime person and up at 8 to go to a professional job. Not saying one is "better" than another, I just dont have the mental energy to operate on such limited sleep (and a hangover)... and from what I understand fast food doesnt necessitate mental discipline. I think our cores are very similar, and we have the capsity to be great together - but he's going through a lot in his life that leaves him not prioritizing a relationship high enough to meet my minimal expectations. Oh well... :o) Of course it's sad but not nearly as sad or disappointing as I was when he wanst following through. *shrugs*

Maybe next time...

2007-07-01T02:44:10Z

So I had to end things with Aaron... i very much like him and care for him, there was just an inability on his part to follow through with things and that left me feeling disrespected and uncared for. Really my only expectations are that people will do what they say they will do, let me know if it changes - and treat me with consideration... He couldnt provide that... at least not at this point in his life. His priorities are very different from mine... he and his friends stay up until 4 or 5 am and get up at 10 to go to work fast food... I just can't do that. I am an 11pm bedtime person and up at 8 to go to a professional job. Not saying one is "better" than another, I just dont have the mental energy to operate on limited sleep... and from what I understand fast food doesnt necessitate mental discipline. I think our cores are very similar, and we have the capsity to be great together - but he's going through a lot in his life that leaves him not prioritizing a relationship high enough to meet my minimal expectations. Oh well... :o) Of course it's sad but not nearly as sad or disappointed as I was when he wanst following through. *shrugs*

sigh.

2007-06-07T18:50:26Z

So, I generally avoid cliche "gay" pop culture topics... but this Paris Hilton getting outta jail thing really pisses me off. Do we really need to highlight the differences between fame and fortune and the "common person" any more?

Ugh.

The Year Ahead

2007-05-28T05:42:45Z

Forecast for May 2007 to May 2008

The Sun trine Moon in your Solar Return chart is a fortunate aspect. It suggests that your domestic and career needs are not in competition with one another this year. Your inner needs tend to be mirrored by external events, and vice versa. This aspect is very powerful and rewarding. It suggests that you will be on top of your game this year, for the most part, and positive connections with others can be made rather easily. A comfortable level of personal popularity helps to keep conflict to a minimum. With the ability to handle your emotions successfully, there is less stress on both your mind and body. Your self-confidence and positive attitude will reward you.

Self-confidence and action are highlighted in the year ahead, with Sun sextile Mars in your Solar Return. You tend to instinctively know the right course of action to take in most situations. Your desire nature is strong, and increased physical activity, including sexual, is likely. Independent work is favored. Competitive activities may also thrive this year.

The Sun in creative aspect to Saturn helps you to stay on track and to meet your responsibilities. Your concern for your future this year is stronger than usual, and you may find that projects you start, or investments you make, this year will benefit you for years to come. The key to success this year is adopting a realistic, practical, disciplined, and orderly approach to your life.

Mercury in opposition to Pluto in your Solar Return chart, however, introduces some intensity in your thought patterns and interactions with others. Try to avoid coming on too strong with your opinions. You are hungry for deeper meaning, but a suspicious attitude, or making mountains out of molehills, won‘t serve you well. Some secretiveness is possible. At times, you may have a troubled mind and some mental anxiety. On the other hand, it can suggest the ability to engage in deep, penetrating communication this year. Mercury governs speech, and you will need to watch what and how you communicate. Something you write or say could lead to opposition from others. Your need to investigate and read between the lines is strong this year. It’s best used for research and increased awareness of psychological motivations, both of others and yourself.

A harmonious trine between Venus and electric Uranus brings spontaneity into your personal relationships. This is a favorable influence for social meetings and events, and for situations that call for treating others with equality and respect. You may lose your fear of taking risks this year on a social level, and happily embrace all that is new, unusual, and out-of-the-ordinary with regards to romantic involvements as well as financial undertakings. You are ready to experiment, and not necessarily ready to commit. This could be a good year for financial undertakings involving electronics, technology, the internet, metaphysics, and the arts, as well as group activities. You have a taste for the offbeat this year, and this energy can bring sudden or unexpected romance into your life, perhaps a scenario that feels like love at first sight. Childbirth is sometimes associated with this aspect.

Mars in hard aspect to Neptune cautions you to be aware of a tendency to be attracted to impractical ventures. You may find that is too easy to waste your time and energy, perhaps due to a lack of drive or feeling directionless. You may also experience passive-aggressiveness in others, which impacts your life in frustrating ways, or you could find relationships with others confusing and hard to define. Although you may enjoy an increase in your intuitive capabilities, you may also be too open to influence so that fears or delusions impact your ability to see your life clearly. This could also be a year when you are more creative, however.

The year ahead is strong for making small but steady progress in your work, and for creative relationships with others. It's a good year for socializing and attracting natural and easy friendships. Your desire nature is powerful this year, but also quite easy to satisfy! If you can tame a tendency to be attracted to impractical ventures, the year can be a very successful one. Adopting an organized approach to meeting your goals is the key to success.

2007 is a Number Five year for you. Ruled by Mercury. This is a year of exploration and freedom. It's a time when exploration and reaching out to others brings opportunities. It's a good time to advertise and sell. Surprises are in store, and the routine is broken. This is a year when exciting relationships can be formed, or, if you are already in a partnership, new life is breathed into the relationship. Advice - explore, look for adventure, keep your eyes open for opportunities, mingle.

I'm launching an investigation...

2007-05-15T20:23:48Z

Into gays, abortionists, stem cell researchers, and the new congress... I KNOW you HAD to have SOMETHING to do with this tragic loss.

HIV VACCINE!

2007-05-11T19:18:27Z

Hey all! May 18th is HIV Vaccine Awareness Day!!!!!!!!!!! Lifelong is hosting a drag show at Rplace this evening to celebrate and educate... you should be there!

For details on vaccine trials in Seattle go to www.seattlevaccines.org

xoxo

Comeback Hell

2007-05-02T06:25:31Z

So, I'm very much a creature of routine. I have my set days in the week I hang out with particular people, have events, etc. There is variety, but only in so much as it doesnt overhaul status quo (ie Sunday I'm with Dwayne and we may do ANYTHING under the sun, but it's always WITH Dwayne.) SO - several people had told me about this GREAT place to go dancing - it only has one gay night a month (chop suey is the name) and it's a unique crowd that never goes out, and good music. So, I ask everyone if they'd be down for a change - they agree (none of us had been) and we go...

WELL, I'm here to tell you - should you ever be invited... Go with the mindset that you are going to be watching a comedy show. It's true, the people never go out... and it's evident. This is, in fact, the dance club where people who have had NO exposure to people of color dancing (be it latin or black, etc... except not realllly asian... though there are some) - go to dance. It's beyond having no rhythm... it's never having been introduced to the very concept of rhythm WHILE BEING completely self-convinced that their latest rug-cutting, edgy move is the next moon walk and thus should be done in the middle, over the top, with lots of flare....for the world to see.

Imagine my misfortune when my drink arrived and I found out my malibu and cran came in a "glass" that I only use as a shot glass.

We left shortly thereafter.

It's OFFICIAL!

2007-04-23T18:10:57Z

I am now the Business Development Manager for the Seattle Symphony!!!! I'm soooo happy to be back in a nonprofit - and it only took 5 interviews, lol! WOOHOO

Hit it with your best shot... :o)

2007-04-19T02:36:09Z

Create your own Friend Quiz here

Pass Along

2007-04-13T10:02:47Z

Dear Friend,
Senator Barbara Boxer has just introduced legislation with Sen. Bernie Sanders to comprehensively reduce global warming, and she's asking for citizens like you and me to join with her in co-sponsoring the bill.
One week before Earth Day, which comes on April 22nd, Sen. Boxer will announce the number of citizen co-sponsors that have been gathered, giving her a huge push forward as she approaches her colleagues and enlists their support for Sanders/Boxer.
I hope you will join me in signing on as a citizen co-sponsor of this critically important legislation -- just click the link below to do it!
http://ga6.org/campaign/citizen_cosponsor?rk=mdNcAWY1FXnrE